Taking time out

 Yesterday was a pig of a wet day. It started with Saturday joy but I felt as soggy and tired as a wet raincoat.  Even a takeaway coffee, consumed in the car with my nose out the window, sat watching the clouds as they drifted past the car park didn't wake me up.

Mum and Dad's shopping arrived, minus a few items - veg, bread, but, thankfully with Dad's whisky.  Loaded up, and with a pile of books to keep Dad happy I drove to Sidmouth.  And the rain seemed incessant - we stared at their wet garden as I beat them - a fairly rare thing at Scrabble.  They've had their jabs and were like excited children.

So much for virtual walking challenges!  I sneak out, early today, avoiding church, feeling like a wet raincoat again - and wearing one! Mum and Dad have no fruit - they didn't order any, no chocolate - they pined for some, and no colour in the home - I tell them the plastic flowers are wilting!  So, because I can't bear the thought of them having no fruit and because they were so wistful, I took them some and a bunch of bright, cheery tulips. Oh and biscuits and chocolate.  Dad will eat them very happily (not the tulips) and he never puts any weight on, lucky man.  I walk along the seafront, well actually get squall blown along.  It's littered with pebbles the waves have throw up over the wall.  The sea is foaming milk chocolate, really January storm rough.  The few of us braving it have hoods up and takeaway coffees in hand! Because it is biting cold.  I have a new hoodie, black with colour across it, I look like a monk with the hood up under my jacket hood. It's keeping my ears warm!

And a lazy evening reading Kate Humble (a lockdown favourite) " A year of Living Simply" Real comfort food for the soul.  I have two bunches of daffodils in my cheap and nasty vase - they look like fat yellow paintbrushes, colour laden but tightly furled up as yet.

Sitting at my kitchen table working for a living isn't my idea of fun, but I am so grateful I have a job this year, one where I am appreciated.

Two Twenty Three Virtual Reality

 Currently I am reading my way through Hosea.  It's probably something I should have thought about but my Bible notes suggest that Hosea's poor wife "has been set up to fail" perhaps - they are the sort of notes that ponder, gently. They suggest looking at the chapter through our own lens is probably what we all do - and how might it be through an abused woman/trans/non binary lens. Never occurred to me. Chapter 2:23 is the verse used for the LGBT gathering that I have had the privilege of attending once in person and now a few times online.

I was out most of the day yesterday, putting 10 miles down for my walking challenges, but early evening I caught up and was, as usual, moved by the talent, sensitivity and sheer joy in the worship and words of those whose hard work makes this possible.  Beautiful coloured candles and prayers which reflected their way through them.  I feel a part of this community somehow.  It's an honour and privilege to hear and see.

This morning I woke stiff from the walking and also from a week at a laptop seated on a kitchen chair.  Despite weekly pilates - I needed a good hot soak.  It was a dark, freezing morning. Sod it, I thought, if I park up in Sowton, I can go get a coffee and walk round the estate, try and get a couple of photos, put a mile or so more on the challenge pre church today.  It wasn't either exciting or safe - the roads and pavement were shining black ice - my car slid, I slid, mercifully the coffee didn't (did I mention the pain au chocolate that I couldn't resist?) Here are a couple of the fun things I saw.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step

 Not content with starting one challenge, I decided to add another, set to end on 31st December 2021! Lejog or Lands End to John O Groats strikes me as the sort of epic journey that friends with bikes or more leisure time and resources than me make.  But here I can virtually walk the length of Britain, which, as you can see from the postcards, is a very long way indeed.  

It's fun, during lockdown, to have something to aim for, something challenging and larger than the everyday round of wake/eat/pray-read/walk/work/watch TV/read and eat a bit more! SLEEP is the one I missed out here..

Whilst walking around town and then up above Pennsylvania on footpaths, about 8 miles in all, which I split between Hadrians Wall and Lejog challeges, it is nice to picture I am back walking along the wall as I did 5 years ago, or escaping the tawdriness of Lands End which I visited about 10 years ago on a walking holiday - in pouring rain, not even the miserable cafe was open. We walked on.

Virtual Reality

5 years or so ago I walked Hadrian's Wall.  For me it was the cumulation of a lot of thinking and planning and much excitement.  So watching Robson Green walking it on channel 5 made me snigger - where he has walked so far is pretty much flat - fields, a bit of country lane, riverside park - if he is groaning now, wait until he gets to the terrain after Housesteads Roman fort!  I remember walking this path after a year of chest infections, ear infections and with a suitcase of asthma gear - inhalers/steroids/spacer just in case.

80% power was absolutely fine as it turned out! My only regret is at the last Roman attraction I was too mean to buy the T shirt - I dimly remember the choice of Tea shop or T shirt in the small amount of time we had and Tea shop won.  Bling is important.  If I do this again I will buy more postcards too.

In lockdown, thanks to friends who have encouraged me, I am doing anoher virtual challenge.  Currently 100 miles with Race at Your Pace in January.  Fantastic challenges, very motivational. But in February/March/April I am taking part in the Conqueror challenge.  This is another virtual event where you can choose a route - Cabot Trail/Lands End to John of Groats/Hadrians Wall etc.  It comes with an APP where you can track your progress against a map, go street view to check out the views, take part in a wonderful positive facebook community (really inspiring stories) get a totally bling medal, plant 5 real trees (apparently) and get virtual postcards (see below for my first - I know - but I was excited) AND A T SHIRT.  It's not cheap so I am doing it (90 miles) over 3 months, which evens out to a very reasonable cost for encouraging sport activity (less without the T shirt!) I will only count real going for a walk walks as wearing a cheapo fitbit equivalent all day really annoys me at work.

I am  now back to my usual dose of antidepressants and what a difference it makes to be feeling more human.  But I have learned from reading the book I mentioned yesterday that I need to rest regularly or I will crash again.  So I have a pretty steady commitment to watching such rubbish as Police Interceptors and any other TV that requires minimal brain power and isn't remotely stimulating!

James Withey in yesterday's book suggests that learning to live with depression is like learning to live with asthma - I know that very well.  I can always tell the small changes in lung happiness that mean I have caught the kind of virus that will be an absolute asthma stinker - florid snotty colds are not the most dangerous culprits.  He suggests we need to monitor our tiredness and for me that is well worth thinking about - I get more holidays in this job and they are already planned in.

I hope that sharing this might encourage anyone else who maybe has a similar kind of head - you never know - there are folks out there!!

Podcast heaven

 Waking up early in Winter has few joys. Winter evenings have more but both are improved by BBC sounds podcasts!  My favourites?  "You're dead to me" - back with a new irreverant take on history.  A comedian and a historian chatting about a character from history.  What's not to chuckle at? This weeks' episode- Agrippina the younger - I dimly remembered she was one of the emperor's mums but oh what a sordid story!  Have a listen!

Open Country - last week I missed half of it but what I did hear was how beautiful lemon slugs are.

https://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/trees-woods-and-wildlife/animals/slugs-and-snails/lemon-slug/

I suppose in terms of slugs they are! This week was a gentle whimsical look at snowdrops.  Apparently the Victorians had a language of flowers, and snowdrops represent hope - so necessary for us.  They also, more prosaically used to plant them to light their way to the cottage privvy.  They are visible at night.  The things you learn on Radio 4.

I've also binge listened, if that is a phrase - to "Intrigue" on Mayday rescue - led by James Le Mesurier

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Le_Mesurier

I'd never heard of him. But it's an intriguing, compelling account over a few 15 minutes episodes.  You definitely won't fall asleep.  Conspiracy theories, eye witness accounts, graphic descriptions.  All there for you!

And last but not least, recommended by someone at church - The Bible for normal people - which has the annoying and I hope - ironic tag line "The only God ordained podcast on the internet"  I wince every time.  Truly fascinating - I've listened to podcasts on "how is the Bible true" the role of archaeology, intersex & trans believers sharing stories, what the Bible says about the afterlife.  It's hosted by Peter Enns who strikes me as sensible and thoughtful.  It's good to think and reflect!

As for books, I can recommend my Autumn/Winter ?Study book - James Withey - "How to tell depression to piss off"  A wonderfully funny and really helpful book by a man with depression of the magnitude that please God I will never have.  

It's very reassuring, sensible, hilarious - if you have a sense of male humour, (I do) and has given me sensible "early warning signs" for depression.  And how to recognise the distinctive voice of the illness - because it sounds like you.

Which is a thing to bear in mind I guess, along with buying new bed linen to cheer yourself up. Well I guess it's always worth a go. I did that back in December so I had new Tesco duvet cover and sheets for Christmas Day. 

Don't give up

 The words were spray painted on a plain brick wall.  "Don't give up"  So here I am, blogging again because the friend I was walking with set me blogging as homework.  Never give up.  I'm doing the Race at Your Pace virtual 100 mile challenge this January and I'm pleased to see that I am just over half way now.  Unlike the friend I walked with, it never occurred to me to calculate how far I'd need to walk a day to pull this off.  (3 point something or other miles a day apparently)

Lockdown feels like that razor wire.  Having worked for the Army as a civvie, I know the purpose is defence - very necessary.  But I plan on having fun still and as the days lengthen, I feel a bubble of effervescent joy well up, stoked nicely by just over a hour of joyous conversation - books, lives, photos and sheer randomness (my contribution I think.  It's a day off - I haven' t just left my computer on and gone walkabout, so I started the walk with coffee and millionaire shortbread.  But I have had a pretty sugar free month so it felt overly sweet but still pretty good!

The reflections on the water at Double Locks, as we sat, swinging our legs on a backless bench

Writer's block

 Happy New Year!  If Lockdown was a movie, it would be the sort of endless series -like "Fast and Furious" or anything with Bruce Willis in a vest as a friend of mine used to call action movies. Lockdown 3.

I'm trying to keep my sanity, working from home, learning the ropes as a new employee of Gregory Distribution.  Sadly, for me anyway - not wearing my new uniform - but I do get to move around a bit more in email breaks.

Currently I am reading the excellent, fun, surprising (as in lots of facts I didn't know) Limitless by Tim Peake.  I am sneakily reading it as it is actually my Dad's birthday gift - it's a hard back so very forgiving.

Soldier, pilot, test pilot, practical joker supreme.  It wasn't something that I picked up in "Ask an Astronaut" the last book I read by him.

I hope you are all well and coping and please bear with me as I overcome what has been a solid bout of writers' block.