Going on a Lion Hunt?

How politically incorrect?!

As a guide, back in the dark ages, we used to "go on a lion hunt" which is a spoken imaginary trip with putting on hats, swishing through long grass, stamping over bridges, raising our rifle and oh not so good, running away because there is a LION coming after us, so we stamp around, bang chests with fists to simulate running very fast indeed and go home to fall exhausted!  Simpler times!

So today was a kingfisher hunt, up the Ludwell valley park.  I'm ashamed to say I have rarely been here before but it's lovely and open space.  There have been a couple of organised walks around it with a local nature expert and I had been out on one similarly freezing spring and seen a kingfisher down on the brook by Lidls with this guy. So keeping my expectations pretty moderate I looked along the banks for kingfishers.

Not suprisingly I didn't see any but there was a grey wagtail at full stretch of my pretty ordinary camera lens.  Bumping up the colour and contrast haven't improved the blurry image but he/she was so lovely to see and the noticeboard did say they lived here.  Once this is over I hope to contine to walk here as coastpaths are the usual fare for me and this is so very local.

Easter Prep

“In holy week, it is Jesus who, in taking on our humanity, must also take on the darkest hours of isolation and desolation.  In his life, they are fully assumed so we can be fully redeemed” (2017 bible notes)

The gospels all record the “isolation” and “desolation” of Christ – in various ways – full of last meal longing for company with his friends at supper, humanly craving company and support in his garden vigil, and it occurs to me that for many of the incidents surrounding his trials he must have told the disciples himself.  There weren’t eye witnesses when alone, bound, he stood before the high priest – even Peter and John didn’t get that far.  Bustled and hustled to Herod, back again to Pilate for an audience.  All alone.  God in glory but as a man I bet he experienced all the human “fight or flight” hormones flooding his body – to react one way or another.  But he didn’t – he stood there, humbly and soaked up the punishment. 

The humiliation of that hideous flogging.  Stripped naked and ridiculed by a bored battalion of young men used to administering casual brutality in the name of the state and Roman peace.  I wonder how Jesus told that story to his friends the other side of his resurrection victory.

At least, at the cross, at his lowest, he had the company of those who truly loved him.  Whom he loved.  His mum and other women, John his mum’s substitute son – they saw it through.  I simply cannot imagine having to watch something as horrific as that and to stand there as the only contribution you can make.  What huge courage that took.

Somehow 12 weeks isolation doesn’t seem such a big ask.  It is still a big ask, just not an impossible one. I know he can redeem it.  If only to make me slow down, to gratefully accept help, to be a cheery friend, daughter and neighbour. To rebalance my life and make it a bit more sane.

Freezing Thinking

Today's super early pre sunrise walk took me up to Ludwell Valley Park, along with a few dog walkers.  Only the coal tits, woodpecker, pigeons, magpies and blackbirds are awake! Spring doesn't care about us, about Covid19 - it just carries on.  God cares but I guess I am not entirely sure what he is up to at present, so I will stick to detailing the colours of his world and the clap winged fly of the pigeon and wood tap of the woodpecker carried on the still and crispy morning air today and helped me breathe deeply and focus for a while.  As did raiding the chocolate stash and finding a Wispa bar!

The 67 number caught my eye - beautiful plate but also the age my state pension kicks in.  I'm planning on retiring at 65 - 10 years time, which seemed a pipe dream and also filled me with "will I like it/cope" thoughts but I think post virus, if I get out fully functioning I will change my priorities to make sure it happens. I have fallen back in love with my home and being out in nature after feeling confined during the wet and sodden darkness of winter. I know I love God and his church - his people gathered together in whatever format, I also love to be outside and to walk, write, photograph. And read of course.  So I have taken the bold step of cutting up my costa card!  I'll still go there but the attaction of getting points lures me in and that's not going to help me - in rainy season that aspiration might change - good coffee has pulled me in many times, but there ARE independant shops and I COULD perhaps invest my money there? Radical thoughts...

Interesting Times

Having discovered that everyone got the same text as me - super anxious, super panic! I'm not in the shielded group woo hoo, so I escaped to the river this morning for a very early 6.30am walk - robin O'clock.  There were courting swans on the river and this little fellow so close that I could take a decent shot.  I love little egrets and the white plumes show up really well.  Spring is carrying on as it normally does and that feels rather surreal given the news this morning that Dyson have switched to mass producing ventilators especially geared to Covid19 victims.  It's bad enough not getting a proper breath during a really bad asthma flare up so my heart goes out to those who will survive with presumably very damaged and fragile lungs.

I'm enjoying having space to read!  Currently I'm reading a book by Adrian Goldsworthy who is a professional historian - this is fiction - it's a page turner in the sense that being a Roman historian, he uses all the technical terms! So I have to turn to the front of the book to discover that Lugdunum is Lyon in France, and to the back of the book to discover what he means when he says the Centurion hero is carrying his "vitis" which is the vine cane of authority and rank he carries.  Why he can't say "vine cane" baffles me.  But actually I'm loving the details - I have always been a Romans nerd.  Sadly it's not a very well written book - it jumps around, he has more pot holed plot holes than the roads round here! But his hero is a strong silent type and he gets up to some James Bond style adventures amongst well described scenery, including at Vindolanda, which I wanted to visit on the Hadrian's Wall walking holiday but couldn't due to walking every day.  We had to pick and choose - a day off or complete the walk - I'm always happy to complete things but missed this sensational museum. 

Time?

I'm usually sitting at my desk with a cuppa and bantering with the section heads of despatch, paint, welding and decal App by now as they bring in their time sheets and holiday requests.  I try to get the daily work schedule out by 9.30am so it hits their mail boxes in the factory office, along with any new production instructions for them which are time dated to production dates. They sometimes pick them up early but it's usually done in factory 1/4 hour tea break.  It's really strange to realise that I actually have time.  I can waste it relaxing in the sun with a book during a working week.  I'm sure the novelty will soon wear off!

I bought Mothers' Day reject daffodils as a cheer up for my neglected garden.  I hadn't bought any bulbs last year - too wet, too late, so even if these last a week they are worth it.  As for the paint, I will wait till I can leave the doors and windows open before painting the kitchen.  Can't believe I have the time to do this without cramming it into the two day holiday I had allocated for it.  It's hard  being an active person - I have been listening to "Ramblings" excellent radio 4 walks programme with Clare Balding -to combat Covid19 overload anxiety.  Such a good programme, as is Desert Island discs - which I normally get on catch up due to drinking dreadful church coffee while it's on.  Currently two birds are squabbling out in the yard next door - I hear their raised calls but not sure what it's about - Spring = mating/territory fights I think.

It feels more than a bit selfish, as a fit, healthy person - with underlying asthma - to be home - because the firm is still working - 2 metre rule is fine - and the painters and welders wear comprehensive PPE all day anyway!  But I'd quite like to continue to be fit and healthy and I'm no use to elderly parents/older friends and loved ones if I'm sick, so I will comply...

Helpful thoughts

This article was written by a talented facebook friend.  I have permission to share it but I don't want to link to their blog as I don't think that's appropriate. So below is DEFINITELY NOT MY WRITING but I think it is helpful and reflective and so appropriate so I am sharing it - please don't share further as that's not in the permission I received:

"This will be the first weekend for many Christians of not being able to meet together, sing songs, hear the Word of God and share a cup of terrible coffee with the people who have come to be like your family. 

But for some of us, we haven’t been able to go to church for a long time, because of disability, mental health, being LGBT, or we just asked too many difficult questions. So here are a few thoughts from survivors that may help you survive your new spiritual isolation with your love for Jesus intact. 

You may need space to feel

You will experience a lot of big and complicated emotions. This is a bereavement of sorts, and a threat of sorts so you may get both sets of responses. You may feel a mix of angry, devastated, guilty, frustrated and lonely. Your body will react in whatever way it thinks will keep it safest, so you may find an obsessive need to do things, a need to fight someone or conversely a lack of motivation to do anything. These are “just” emotions, not a sign of spiritual backsliding, sin or demonic possession. God has made your body and mind with the ability to cope with and heal from remarkable degrees of damage; give yourself space to process what’s happening. Notice how you feel and ask God what that’s telling you. Listen to what God says, and don’t just try and dampen the voices of your inner self with Bible verses – that just delays the healing.  

You may need to find your own centre of gravity

Being in a church community, we put a lot of trust in other people to tell us what to believe. This has upsides and downsides. It can make you feel part of something bigger and reassure you, but it can also be a barrier when God wants to say something different to you, or if your leadership are wrong or abusive. So don’t be surprised if, with a bit more space to yourself, you find ideas sneaking out that you had been holding down before so you didn’t get into trouble. It’s OK to lean in to those. Some will be utter rubbish, some will be the voice of the Spirit and bring new life in your relationship with God. You don’t need to be afraid of them, and you can trust the Holy Spirit to lead you into truth. There’s a reason so many prophets and saints went to the desert to hear God. 

You may notice Jesus in unexpected places

We are so in the habit of expecting God to “turn up” in a meeting that sometimes we forget that Jesus rarely did anything of note in a religious meeting. You will need to develop the habit of finding God where you are, in nature, in people you chat to online; through your Muslim neighbour, and the atheist serving in the Co-op, and the gay nurse who looks after you in the hospital. You will receive grace from places and people you would never have considered. Because God still loves you and is still with you and that doesn’t change.

You will ALWAYS, ALWAYS find Jesus in suffering

 As privileged Western Christians, we like to run from suffering. We assume the best Christians are the happy, rich, healthy ones. This is weapons-grade rubbish. Weapons-grade because it pushes out people with disabilities, those with poor mental health and those on low incomes: in fact all the people Jesus prioritised and spent time with. Jesus is ALWAYS with the outsiders, the marginalised, the bereaved. On the cross, Jesus was wounded and damaged as he absorbed the impact of human selfishness and arrogance and he carries those scars into heaven. Throughout history, the saints have endured plagues and famines, evil empires and natural disasters. Holiness cannot mean conformity to a human stereotype of perfection, whether in physical health, financial wellbeing or keeping it all together. Rather, the challenge is, in whatever hardship we find ourselves, can we love others as Christ loves us?

You may find a new intolerance for exclusion

Every church likes to think they welcome everyone. Most don’t. After this, when you can give your friends a hug again, sing the latest Bethel hit from your mostly-healed lungs and drink more of that terrible coffee, please remember what this felt like. 

Add to it the expectation that it will not change and go back to normal, ever, and you have some idea of what being a Christian is like for many people who would like to be part of your church, but can’t. So what can you do to improve things?

Keep livestreaming your services. Catch up with isolated people on a regular basis. Find ways your disabled or chronically sick church members can contribute to your community from their homes. Make a space where people can deal with their difficult questions. Find a form of words that doesn’t glorify health and wealth as evidence of God’s blessing. Stop saying LGBT people can “just not go to church if they can’t change” and actually engage in some serious listening and find out how God is working in our lives. Make sure your church is genuinely accessible to all.

Because God is still at work in and through the church to make us more Christlike and to spread God’s love into the world. Through crises and plagues and political upheaval, some things don’t change."

Day of Battle?

Yesterday I went for another walk, this time on Woodbury Common early in the morning - at Squaddie o'clock as the marines were out running on the spot, side stepping and being shouted at by a PT instructor in red and white singlet.  Brrr, it was very chilly indeed but the sun was up and I reckoned we'd be urged not to travel so I went for it.  Photos below: I reckon that's a pretty stressed face! Other than marines there was one solitary cyclist and a very enthusiastic stone chat.

Today it's garden H.I.T or step aerobics and painting over the terrible job I made of painting windowcills in last years' heatwave.  I think that may be optimistic but at least they already look a nicer deeper shade of Oxford Blue.