Well another good song title - Lou Reed? Not a fan but it describes the way this lockdown is affecting me. Four weeks off? Never heard of since I was 19. The only times I have had this amount of time and space have been during periods of redundancy - and they were saturated with anxiety, feverish hunting for work - one of the most draining and depressing exercises in futility, and recently barely remunerative temping - for which I am extremely grateful - a legacy of two new friends and this current job - which, to be fair, started as a short term contract rather than a temp job.
The weather has helped. So much. I come alive in the Spring and Summer, tolerate Autumn and absolutely hate Winter. The dark plays tricks on my psyche and body clock - I get unpleasant SAD in addition to anxiety - thank God for regular medication. I am on it for life and so thankful for it this time of hyper-anxious/dreadful newscasting and appalling suffering for so many including friends working in the NHS.
So I feel a bit guilty writing this, but actually - despite some horrible days, including Easter Sunday when I have just wanted to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head,( - not done but tempted to) I have felt it's been a wake up call and "mid life review"(well late mid life my maths is bad but mid life is optimistic!)
I've discovered: how beautifully green Exeter is. Trees/flowers/birdsong/Ludwell & Mincinglake valley parks, green lanes around the university, walks along the river and canal/belle isle park. Definitely planning to frequent these once lives are back to a semblance of normal.
I'm an introvert: yes, I know that, but 11 years of telephones and sales and above mentioned job hunting left little "introvert time" plus I attend a wonderful but active, extrovert friendly church - I need to make sure the "tank gets filled up" by books/puzzles/quiet walks and definitely, definitely photography. As a friend, as a church member, as a daughter with responsibilities to ageing parents, this time is going to have to be put in my diary and guarded - I love being with friends and know I need to support my parents more as they age. I'm loving rediscovering jigsaws! As a child my family did a lot of them and last year I bought a jigsaw mat to do them comfortably and leave my dining room table free when required. But I don't know - I only allowed myself charity shop ones. They are all about 20 years old, full of big skies, boats and cottages and dimly smell of damp. Thanks to Amazon and lockdown I have a couple of lovely new ones and one on the way which is all beer bottles (!) No sky hallelujah!!
And reading, trying to read old books I already have along with the new ones. I figure what I am saving in haircuts/coffee/cinema with ambulance friends totally justifys this.
I have also found that even I can make cake. Courgette chocolate cake, flapjack so far. Edible and a good way to invest time - I find cooking extremely relaxing.
Going to be a hard call going back to work...but I need that and am very grateful for a regular job
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