First sunburn

Today was a little bit of quiet peace in what has been a frantic couple of learning a new job weeks. I'm "crying at the adverts" tired, as my friend Carol's mum used to say.  The kids in the pool today screamed as kids do and I wanted to run away and hide.  My lungs still feel tight and ineffective and I have to tell myself that I have the underscoring of good fitness and 9 miles a day in North Wales in two weeks will be fine. My lovely honorary aunty and I drove to Parke, for tea, lunch in the sun (hence the sunburn) and a gentle walk by the river, up a hill and a look over into the softening greys and lime greens of new spring tree growth. I'm a much better "by ear" bird spotter and we listen to the fantastic, inventive, full voiced male voice choir that is a song thrush. 

I know it's this bird - and I feel totally vindicated when my friend sees him flit away through the trees. We see a couple of grey wagtails perched on a stream bed rock but the place is teeming with families and dogs so we don't see a dipper.

I love the dappled green of river light and trees and the edges and complexity of tree roots. New growth springing up from an old stump.  I didn't want to sound truly pretentious but it reminded me of the bit from the bible about the new growth on an old stump - a metaphor for a renewed line of hope of a righteous ruling king. So I kept quiet!!  But it does!

We walk down along the river to Bovey.  There's an outdoor gym in the park and I have a horrible feeling there's a photo of me trying the lat pull - the chest press, lat pull and air walk are fun - the other machines look like instruments of torture built for far bigger people! And so to another cup of tea in Devon Guild of Master Craftsmen.

I've never been there.  And having walked in the woods and revelled in these beauties of blue swirls of glass, tattooes of black on slim neck wood turning and the loveliness of silk textile it strikes me God might be bored!!

I'm no singer, and being confined in a building to worship doesn't feel enticing sometimes.  I can't summon up the intensity.  I love the bible and I love Jesus, but I am a totally useless worshipper in a conventional sense and at the moment a stunning failure of a christian.  Surrounded by the most awesome artwork of God in nature - trees and water - and the outpouring of outstanding photography I just think God must feel a little bit cheated.  For the one who sculpts the deserts, arranges butterfly wing patterns and swirls the galaxies in space deserves my best.

So I will come empty handed, and give back what I have- photographs, good-enough work, good enough friendshipping, fair attempts at writing and sheer stickability.  And know myself heard and understood.

Saving for a rainy day

I never thought it would be possible to even think of paying off my mortgage.  When I first bought this house, it was sadly neglected - the owner had left sealed up windows, a gas leak, doors hanging off.  I haven't done half the things I intended to do as limited cash flow goes to holidays, swim membership and paying bills! I've done the essentials and it is at least well painted.  I have always enjoyed mucking around with coloured paint and brushes.  But this month's mortgage statement shows me how long I have lived here - which shocks me.  And shows me that I could pay off the bill if I was prepared to be a little more thrifty this year.

Hence buying a coffee maker.  I did a little calculation on costa - and was duly impressed by the thought that capital investment meant I could save A LOT!  There's a funny thing with capital investment for me.  My family aren't wealthy and I remember the day (about 10 years ago?) I bought a very expensive paramo walking jacket.  My poor mother was horrified when I told her how much it cost.  And at the thin lightness of it.  "Doesn't look very warm"  Well, it is still going, despite a repair/rebuild and it keeps the rain out and the wind out and only needs a shirt and thinish fleece to be cosy.  Yes, it looks grubby and battered but it's done time rolled in a rucksack on a lot of walking holidays.  I recently bought a sat nav after realising that the navigating total anxiety that I have is stopping me having fun and that one easy way to solve it and increase my personal confidence (I love to drive and couldn't navigate my way out a paper bag) was to buy sat nav.  When I was a young christian I read "celebration of discipline" and somewhere along the way picked up the idea that buying stuff was a BAD THING.  But I've come to realise that a little careful spending can enhance a life.  Funnily enough I never feel guilty about holidays!

Politically correct crockery

My crockery would be at home in Rockfish.  In other words, it's full of chips!  My dad calls such china "chippendale", I call it fit for the bin.  I've spent quite a lot of time listening to radio 4 lately due to aforementioned dodgy lungs, so I have had my values challenged a little bit. I don't want to just thoughtlessly buy stuff if I can source it elsewhere.  I decided that rather than buying a nice new set from Tesco, I would look for replacement cereal bowls and side plates from the charity shop.  After all, my existing set is bland white. I now have 4 nice white bowls with swirly black patterns and 4 solid "catering/nhs basic white" china side plates for a total of £2.75!  Who cares what the china looks like when the food is good?

Having said that, I tried yet again to produce home made cake for homegroup.  The mix tasted good, the product tasted good, but unfortunately when I cut into it, the whole thing collapsed into lumps.  Oh well, it is now packed into freezer boxes and I've eaten a chunk of it: chocolate courgette cake has to be the healthiest and nicest cake around - a sticky, dark not too sweet cake that even has one of your 5 a day in it. I ended up buying cake in waitrose.  Because for the price of the cake, I get 2 hours parking - which is cheaper than paying for it, and I wanted to swim before turning up at my friends' mum's house with one of the cakes. 

True family even an adopted one - my friend is cutting tree branches.  I hear her and her mum argueing and bantering before I see them! I walk through and put the kettle on, find a knife for the cake and get compared to one of the garden gnomes (red sunburn nose and sweatshirt) I feel loved! I feel no obligation to help with the tree cutting - I plead asthma as an excuse! 

I'm trying to make small, slightly more gentle politically correct changes too.  I'm reasonably horrified at the extent of use of palm oil so have reluctantly changed peanut butter to Meridian brand.  Don't even mention that I like nutella....