Nemesis

 Holmes has Moriaty, Batman has the joker and the penguin, I have the fear of fried eggs.  Which is not quite in the same league I think.  I needed a weekend of food and walking, so being someone who has a friend who loves to have fun, I borrowed her idea - "go out to breakfast, do a big walk, have a cream tea"  All fabulous ideas.  It brings a wonderful dimension to my life to think "what would Sandy do"  When we talk, I know her values are having fun, and mine I suppose are doing my duty.  Which sounds really, really boring and serious.  But I like fun too!!  Too bad I should have checked the nice breakfast in the cafe at Budleigh because TWO runny fried eggs sat looking at me.  I share with my dad a loathing of the very smell of the things! I can eat them scrambled and possibly poached old style in a round buttered cup.  And HARD boiled.  But definitely not runny.  It helped that I'd paid for them, along with the nice bacon/sausage/tomato/hash brown....it was an immense and beautiful breakfast fit for a king.  I dutifully (see above) ate them dipping the toast into them...they stayed down while I walked, rather tentatively and all too full, around the 10 mile Budleigh to Sidmouth and down back via Otterton via Barrs Lane circuit.  

I'd forgotten how I hate walking up Peak Hill, especially in pelting rain, wearing a waterproof and shorts on a slippy muddy track.  My feet started to feel as if they had been beaten with a stick - it seems a long time since I've done a proper, decent walk and I was tired anyway - hence needing the weekend of food and walking!

The summer is definitely at the tip end, trees silvered along the field edges, grasses bronzed and brassy, seed heads and pods.  The fields have literal "corn rows" and stripes of green and fat rolls of hay. It was so good to feel cool, and to walk in a blustery breeze with chilly edges. Rain dripped off the hood edges and into my socks as I walked down to claim my cream tea.  

Walking makes a bit of space in my head to think.  I had taken the 40 days John book that frankly has been more like 80 days John....and wrote the following on the passage and the questions.  I am just pleased that writing is slowly filtering back down into my life.  I worry when I am word-less.

 

They came for you at night, the Light of the world.

Dark in the garden - with the sudden flare of torches

By lantern light. 

In the place of teaching and familiarity Judas betrayed you.

"Who is it you want" They say they "want" Jesus of Nazareth

But their words twist - a wanted man, taken in the blackness,

Soldiers weapon-ready, a spat of violent threat on a cold night.

Man meeting with God in the cool of the evening garden.

Where have I heard that before? It didn't end well that first time

This time a man is bound and hustled away.

It is truly dark, in the countryside, without lights.

And men flee and slink away, in shame, in relief, in grief.

Leaving Jesus to stand before the hard stare of state.

 The book raises the question:

"Jesus is utterly secure in his identity.  By contrast, Peter has forgotten he is Jesus' "rock" and has become a morass of fear and doubt.  Who are you looking for?  Ask yourself the question - "Are you Jesus' disciple?" How would you answer?" (not too heavy then!!!)

Jesus, you know I love you.  You know I find it hard - to believe you are in me.  Because all I do is think - sometimes there seems to be little heart, no feeling - but you say you love me for that thinking.

I find it hard to see and remember that the pearl of great price, your shining presence, is found in the rough, ridged warped oyster shell of this human being.  I'm not a plaster saint more's the pity.  But you are in my life, and I made that right choice.  You say you love me dearly.  You say I will never leave you.  You say I am preparing a place for you.  My identity in you is solid and fixed, however sea driven I feel.

And that is enough.  I have a rock.  A hold-fast, when everything is swirling currents of doubt and fear.